I am a doer. By nature, my first instinct – for almost anything – is just to jump in and do. Even in college, as a mathematics major, I would just plunge into the problem head-first, using brute force first. This is the worst idea ever – you should always think through how you’re going to tackle a problem before jumping in! I used quite a few erasers up, let me just say.
As a follower of Jesus, I believe I am saved (from my sinful nature that separates me from God) by faith, not by anything that I do.
For by grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God; it is not from works, so that no one can boast. For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them. (NETBible, Ephesians 2:8-9)
But my doer-ness attempts to usurp this free gift all the time. I try to do for God’s favor rather than realizing that he sees me through the lens of Jesus’s work on the cross.
I started this blog because God was teaching me things that I couldn’t keep to myself. I share some of these things with some of you occasionally IRL (in real life), but I felt like writing was a good venue to share these teachings with people I will never get to meet IRL.
Little did I know how much God was going to use this blog to change me. Instead of doing, I get to listen to Him, contemplate His word, put those thoughts down.
Once I started, though, I found this wonderful blogging community online! Amazing people sharing amazing things through blogs. And I wanted to be a part of the club. Right now. Yesterday would be better.
I first heard about The Relevant Conference on Blogging With Amy. When I read their mission statement, I was floored and thought – I MUST go! But that was only a month ago, and the conference is this week. So I researched other blog conferences and started making plans in my mind and – well – started doing.
Some of this doing was beneficial, but some of it started getting in the way of my listening.
And then last week, I was studying the feeding of the five-thousand (Mark 6). The apostles asked Jesus if they could send the crowd away for supper or, on prompting from Jesus, if they should go to the grocery to buy food for everyone. They felt the need to do. It was all they thought of – like me – they went head first into brute force. And Jesus proceeded to blow them thoroughly away by miraculously spreading around five loaves and two fish to everyone (not to mention the doggy bags).
I felt like God was saying Stop trying and start trusting.
Please do not hear that I am saying we are not supposed to take action; we are. But at this time, I needed to stop the action and just let God lead me back to the floor by his feet.
Imagine my utter shock, then, when a very innocent little Twitter party contest for a Relevant Conference ticket (hosted by Amy Bayliss and Jolanthe) led to MY WINNING! YES! Thursday, I will be traveling to Pennsylvania for the conference!! I can’t believe how he worked out so many little details to get me there. And he is still working out little details, like free business cards by Kaira!
Did God need to do this to be glorified? No! Not at all. But He did it anyway, and I know that I did not.
My Father, as Laura reminded me today – You love me! And you wanted to show me in this way! Thank you most of all for the reminder that you call me to YOU, not to blogging. I love you and trust you.