I want to expand on what I concluded with last time – infidelity of the heart. It’s a very real temptation and sin, and I don’t think many people are talking about it. So I’m going to suck it up right now and confess.
I’m guilty. I have been tempted by infidelity of the heart from the time I dated my husband until now. I’m disgusted to say I have fallen into its evil snare more than once. I’m sure I will be tempted by it for the rest of my life.
The only thing I think I can liken it to is a male’s lust. Yes, infidelity of the heart is my pornography. It carries the same thrill, the same shame, the same disasters, the same let-down that makes you crave more.
I hate it. And I’m fighting it. Just like lust is a daily battle for a man, guarding my heart is a daily battle for me.
If you are single, you can’t write this off. While you’re single, Jesus is your only bridegroom. Your devotion. When I was single, I absolutely gave me heart willy nilly to men rather than to God. It’s a sin, ladies.
I want to share the warning signs with you, just in case I’m not alone here. And at the end (skip down if you like ;)), I want you to see the biggest weapon I use to slay this sin.
The Warning Signs
If you are in danger of succumbing to infidelity of the heart, a relationship with a man (or a woman, if that is your struggle) might have some of these characteristics:
- You try to catch his eye often; you look for and want more eye contact than really necessary
- You become really helpful (your design is to HELP your husband, so when you give your heart away to someone else, you try to HELP them)
- You make flirty jokes or laugh extra at his (remember how you laughed like this with your husband while you were dating?)
- You hang out where he is or is going to be instead of staying in your usual spaces
- You purposefully allow physical contact; you stand/sit closer than you would with someone else
- You communicate more than necessary, rationalizing it. “I need to email him because he would want to know I heard that song we were talking about.”
- You check communications constantly – Facebook, Twitter, Email, Voicemail
- You put more effort in your appearance
- You avoid talking about your husband or children; OR you talk excessively about them to mask what’s really going on
- You go early and stay late when you know you will be in the same place
- You do anything with him that you would not do if your husband were there.
How to Slay the Beast
If you want to fight this temptation successfully, you need accountability. Yes, pray. Yes, read your Bible. But just as a man needs accountability to successfully fight lust and the sin of pornography, a woman needs accountability to fight infidelity of the heart.
It was only after hearing Mark Driscoll in the Song of Solomon series talk about the “foxes” in our marriage that I realized how disastrous these sins were. My husband offered the grace of God, and God has been so gracious to rebuild our marriage. But I needed someone else to know, someone else to pray for me, someone else to show me my ugly heart.
So I fessed up in a very embarrassing meeting with my accountability partner. It was the best thing I ever did.
Being able to tell her when I was struggling with this issue – or when I was struggling with not accepting grace for my sins of infidelity – kept my heart safe and sound in my home, where it belongs.
You need this in your life for so many reasons. Find someone you really trust; someone to whom confidentiality is a BIG DEAL. See if they want this kind of relationship too. If they don’t, move on until you find the right person.
I miss you, Laura.