Thank You

I have been blessed lately. Particularly by our church body.

We have been going through a difficult time with our childcare situation. Ever since I switched from working from my home office to filming and recording in a studio part-time, things have been going downhill.

Unfortunately, I was ignoring the signs.

I feel awful now looking back, but it took a big mistake on our nanny’s part for me to see how bad it had gotten. A couple of Friday’s ago, when I got home, she was rushing out of the front door to get his car seat from her car, looking guilty.

Samuel was asleep. I paid her, and she left.

I wondered where they went, but I figured they went to the park or storytime or something and didn’t ask. (Hello, mommy! You always have a right to ask where your son has been!)

After Samuel woke up, I changed his diaper and was horrified at how utterly soaked he was. There is no way he had been changed in the previous several hours. My heart sank.

We went to have a snack, and his bib and dishes from his morning snack and lunch were all missing. In her car, I’m assuming. This means they were gone for at least 3 hours, and I’m assuming by the 2 clean diapers that were in the car seat she brought in that he wasn’t changed the entire time before his nap.

I was furious. So furious I wanted to call and ask her what kind of person doesn’t change a child’s diaper!? Especially someone who has plenty of experience to know better.

I didn’t call. Because I knew I would speak in anger.

She had already told us she was going to be leaving, but that she would keep watching Sam until we found someone. Apparently, she had mentally checked out of her job.

I felt sick as I looked back at other small things that had been leading to this moment. Her attitude and disrespect towards me. Her never ever telling me that Samuel and her had a fun day or that he’s such a precious guy. She always said, “He did OK.” I thought, Wow, he must really not do well with other people. Since then, he’s been watched by several others who tell me how fun he is and what a joy. The little man I know.

My heart breaks to think that for many months he was with someone who didn’t want to care for him. It’s SO hard being a working mom, and this just makes it seem unbearable.

After that Friday, I called every single person and lead I knew to find someone who could love him. Someone I could trust. I prayed. I stayed up at night thinking about it. I treasured him and apologized.

While I was looking, some near and dear friends and some members of our church body whom I don’t even know very well helped me out by caring for Samuel. For free. For love. To bless me.

And I can’t thank them enough for restoring the part of my mama soul that was so diminished. The little thank you notes I write just do not do justice to what they offered me.

There are other ways our body has been blessing us this week, and I’m just blown away by how our church loves us in so many ways. I know many who pray for us every single day. How do they offer that sacrifice!?

I don’t know. But I say Thank You. Thank. You.

6 thoughts on “Thank You

  1. Karyn

    Steph, I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this. I love how everyone has rallied around you, what a blessing!! Do you have plans for childcare now?

  2. Stephanie Post author

    Yes thank God! I’m really happy with what we’ll be doing (will share with you in person ;). Praying all the little details will work out.

  3. Faith

    Mother guilt is such a strong emotion. Sorry you had such bad experience. I had something similar when my kids were little and I was in school. I had to quit that semester and actually never went back. I never regretted it.

    1. Stephanie Post author

      That rocks, Faith. I mean, not that you had a similar situation – but the no regrets. You can’t have this time again!

  4. Kelly Bryan

    Jered and I are always free for a date night out. I know you and Brad are prob afraid to leave him with the DINKS but I’ve taken care of plenty of youngsters and I think he is about the most precious little kiddo I know.

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