Repairing a Rut

Brad and I have fallen into patterns lately. Patterns where we’re so tired that we aren’t communicating about the big things. Not the details. We have to communicate about those for our lives to function:

  • Who’s coming over this week?
  • What meetings do you have in the mornings, evenings, and weekends?
  • Who’s watching Samuel for this or that?
  • When is the next time we can visit our parents?
  • How much have we spent on food this month?
  • Did you pursue this lead or that lead?
  • Bla bla bla.

But there are other things that we’ve been ignoring out of necessity:

  • When we were talking with our friends, why did you throw me under the bus like that?
  • Do you feel I’m disrespecting you?
  • How can I pray for you?
  • What can I do to help you fight your idols?
  • What are your dreams?

The first set of questions are questions that could easily be asked by colleagues working on a project together. They could really like each other and they could even be in love. But they might also butt heads and work together only because they have to. They might pull plays from the passive agressive handbook every day – because they don’t know how else to communicate.

The second set of questions is more intimate, passionate, and raw. It’s a set of questions for lovers, teammates, and lifelong friends.

Where is your marriage? If you’re buried in the first set of questions, why not ask some questions from the second and see what happens?

3 thoughts on “Repairing a Rut

  1. Mariposa

    My husband and I just realized that we were in that rut too! Last night we had a good discussion on ideas for the future of our family and ministry. We didn’t make any plans, but were able to understand each other’s desires and priorities a little better. It was nice to get deeper than “What’s for dinner?” 🙂

  2. Jane Sadek

    You are SO right on!! This is particularly difficult when one )or both) of the spouses is non-confrontational by nature. The easy thing is to just keep going and promise yourself you’ll deal with it tomorrow. But the best thing, the loving thing is to get in there and stir it up, even if you get burned a little.

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