Making Choices in Marriage: A Missing Link

Brad and I decided to start reading Marriage Matters* so that we could engage in more thought and discussion about our marriage.

 

Sounds like I really have it together, huh?

The truth is, we don’t have a perfect marriage. In fact, there are times when our marriage is downright ugly, rather than being a picture of Jesus to the world. And I am definitely not a perfect wife. Why do you think I have this blog!? Not because I know it all, but because I realize that I don’t know it all!

Anyway, it was, of course, my pastor hubby who recommended choosing a book to read together.

For me, reading an entire non-fiction book (not just chapter 1) is like running a marathon. Fiction? No problem. Got it covered in a week’s time. Non-fiction? Whew. I’m drained just thinking about it. Anyone have a running Gu?

We have done this before – read a book together for spiritual improvement. And it was very good for us. Maybe more for me than for him. I have to force myself to think about spiritual things and being committed to a book together helps me with that.

So I, without prompting (I’m so proud!), read chapter 1 today instead of taking a nap 🙂

Chapter 1 is always the intro chapter, so I got a good overview of what this book is going to look like. Good, solid truth is in chapter 1, but chapter 1 never contains earth-shattering news, right?

Wrong.

Winston T Smith, the author, says that having a marriage that reflects Jesus means making choices that reflect Jesus.

Well, that’s good stuff Mr. Smith, but I already knew that. So there.

Then I read the very next phrase. My paraphrase is:

Having a marriage that reflects Jesus means making choices that reflect Jesus over and over.

The “over and over” part is a direct quote. Yeah. Did that hit you like a rock like it did me?

I can make a choice that reflects Jesus. Once. And then I give up. Because after all, my spouse didn’t become perfect. My life didn’t become perfect. (Hint: that’s not the point.)

For our marriages to truly reflect Jesus, we have to make decisions in love over and over and over again. And again. When it’s painful. Inconvenient. When we don’t want to. When it’s 3am. When our spouse is not being God-honoring themselves.

It’s kind of… just like God’s love for us! Duh!

But I didn’t get it! And now that I do, I’m a little overwhelmed at the responsibility of it.

You know what I need? The power of the Holy Spirit.

I need to ask God to enter my marriage, and be love (1 John 4) when I cannot. Or will not. To break my spirit of selfishness and pride.

Has this hit home for you like it did for me?

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7 thoughts on “Making Choices in Marriage: A Missing Link

  1. Holly Dennis

    Totally agree. IT. IS. SO. HARD.!!! What’s hard, I think it should be easy. I don’t expect conflict and hard things to occur, but they do and it’s so hard. I’m with ya sista. I need the Holy Spirit Every Moment of Every Day!. Crazy Hard. Crazy Dependence!

  2. SheilaG

    Yes, thank you for being so, well, candid! I’m in a 31 year marriage and it is still hard to make that decision to reflect Jesus in the midst of the “stuff.” I fail over and over again, but God is patient, kind, long-suffering- all those things I should be reflecting!

  3. Pingback: When Submission is a Trial | The Candid Pastor's Wife: Faith. Marriage. Beauty. Women. Culture.

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