This past Saturday, I had a very fun day set up. We were taking maternity pictures with Bobby, then I was going to get a facial that my mom gave me for mother’s day last year (yes, it took me that long to make the appointment), then I was going to a baby shower for a friend.
It was beautiful, albeit windy, outside as we took super fun family pictures, celebrating the baby bump with friends (Bobby and his wife and baby)!
Towards the end of the session, though, I did something really stupid.
In all of my pregnant-glory, I tried to climb a rocky creek wall to get that next perfect shot. Can you guess what happened?
My toe caught something, and I tripped. I put my hands out to catch myself, and I felt like I was just going to hit my knees – which I certainly did, enough to pop the blood vessels – but then I just kept falling. And my belly hit the ground before my hands. It hit hard, with all of my weight.
I laid there stunned, not knowing how I could have just fallen like that! I was slightly embarassed, but I was mostly confused. This changed body caught me off guard, and then my thoughts immediately went to Emma. The cracked toenail and scraped knee had no pain in those moments as I gripped my baby bump.
I didn’t know what to say. Everyone was pulling me up and brushing grass off of me and asking how I felt. I felt…. numb. Dumbstruck. Scared. My lips were dry, and I licked them as I mumbled something about calling the doctor.
We decided to end the picture-taking (wouldn’t those be some interesting shots?), and I called the doctor – Why do these things happen on Saturday anyway!?
The doc said if I wasn’t bleeding and the baby was still moving, that the uterus, placenta, and fluid are still very protective, and everything was likely OK.
I hadn’t felt Emma move since the fall. Her and I had been up half the night, so I was hoping she was taking a biiiiiiig nap. Doc also said to lie down in a quiet place to see if she would move. I thought I felt her, just a twinge, so I decided to keep my facial appointment – quiet place to lie down, right!? I didn’t know if it was selfish or the right thing to do, but I did it. And then I went to the baby shower. All the while, I kept thinking, Is she moving? Maybe that was a spasm. She seems more still than usual. Not as strong.
And honestly, my ab muscles hurt badly the rest of the day from the impact, so I just didn’t feel right overall.
Since then, I’ve been feeling her move, but the paranoia in me is telling me that it’s not as much. Not as strong. Not enough to be OK in my mind. To give me peace.
When my husband Brad dropped me off for the facial, we had prayed for Emma, and he reminded me She’s in good hands.
It was everything I needed to hear. That Emma is loved way more by my Heavenly Father than I could ever love her. That He is holding her. That I cannot thwart His will for her life.
That He is trustworthy.
What reminds you of God’s faithfulness and trustworthiness when you’re scared and anxious?