Category Archives: Wedded Wednesday

New Ways to Speak the Five Love Languages

This post is sponsored by Groupon. All opinions are my own! Affiliate links may be included; thanks for reading to support this site. 

I need a translator. Stat.

For the sake of my marriage, someone please tell me how to speak nailguns and caulk and lawnmower repair.

Early in our marriage, I had a predominant love language called “gifts”. I enjoyed giving things to people, and I enjoyed receiving them as well.

My husband’s love languages were words of affirmation and touch. Obviously, I’m not very good at those. (That’s the rule about love languages, don’t you know: you can’t be great at your spouse’s.) My husband failed in the gift department, but at least we were square.

new ways to speak the five love languages

Somewhere along the way (ahem, kids), my love language morphed into acts of service. My husband still spoke words of affirmation and I still stank at that, but he has tried his best to become a physical servant…

And he’s excelling at it! So much so that I was thinking my husband wanted to work on a project to avoid me. Well, true to womanly form, I like to change my mind, and I think my love language is saying, “I give up on how clean the house is; just sit down and spend some time with me!”

His love languages haven’t changed. 😀

As I was browsing the Groupon Goods page, I noticed that you can actually find ways to speak every love language with the products there. No, not just gifts!!

When I browsed I noticed:

Gifts: Duh. There are gifts upon gifts upon gifts for every kind of person. PB2, anyone?

Acts of Service: Does your husband’s love language involve a home-cooked meal or a clean home? I saw pots and pans sets and tons of organizational products that will help you translate your love to his ears.

Quality Time:  My favorite way to spend time with my husband is by doing something fun and new, preferably outdoors. The main Groupon site is a great place to buy adventure tickets, but I also think it’s easy to make your own adventure! Grab a hydration pack for your fun day or take a hammock to the park for something more low key.

new ways to speak the five love languages

Touch: OK, so this one should be easy, but let’s spice things up!! Make sure to spray the poopouri and put on something special (both items are sold on Groupon Goods!) to make intimacy a priority.

Words of Affirmation: Use the Love Talk journal my husband and I have used in the past – especially if words are not your specialty. Basically, you trade a journal back and forth with a note to each other. Great for the busy couple. I saw this beautiful leather journal my husband would love.

new ways to speak the five love languages

Maybe I’m alone as a woman – does your love language change like mine seems to? My husband, so sure and steady, just has to keep up with me haha! Making him feel loved should be easy, but it’s certainly not my mother tongue. I always need fresh translation tools like this. Do you see any other Groupon good you would add to the list?

Find more info about Groupon Goods here:

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The Purpose of a Single Christian: Is it Marriage?

A young woman (well…my age) sits on our plastic church chairs every week. She serves with the youth. Her presence in community, accountability, giving, and missions work is consistent.

Another young person, a man, also chooses those plastic chairs every week. He’s up early hauling equipment in and out each Sunday, and the coffee plus his smile are what greet folks as they enter a church that meets on astroturf.

This young woman and young man are single. And they just sat through a fantastic marriage series in those plastic chairs, they heard and even possibly served at the marriage conference this spring, and they are constantly surrounded by married couples fighting for God-serving marriages.

And, no, I’m not trying to get them to date each other. In fact, these two are not even real people, but collections of the single men and women our church is blessed to have as members.

purpose of a single christian

I myself teach on marriage every moment I can, partly because it’s where God is constantly growing me and partly because I believe we’re in a war where marriages can work for God’s kingdom.

Are singles left out of that?

Is a Christian single person’s purpose different from that of a married person?

Spoiler answer: absolutely not.

Note: I don’t pretend to know what it’s like to be single in the church or in today’s culture. I certainly don’t want to downplay the hurt that some have from longing for marriage when God has not yet provided it. The last thing I want to do in this post is offend. So I’m asking God for help and humility. Thank you for hearing me. I also invite you to please share anything I’ve missed in the comments or on my Facebook page.

Jesus pointed out how all of the law falls into only two commandments, and I’m breaking those out into our two purposes, single or married.

Purpose 1: Pursue love of God before all else

 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’  (Mark 12:29-30, NIV)

Being content in singleness is directly related to finding our identity in Christ and casting off anything that steals our affection for Him. (Psst… this is no different for marrieds.) Note that this is best accomplished via obedience to His word and Spirit.

purpose of a single christian

For whatever time you are single, God has ordained it. I believe God is sovereign and in control of all of my circumstances, but in this particular one, Jesus specifically says it is given. In response to disciples claiming it is sometimes better to be single:

“Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.” (Matthew 19:11, NIV)

Since Jesus is our true groom, why wouldn’t we want to pursue a loving and full relationship with him?

…Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless….[Christ feeds and cares for the church.]… we are members of his body…the two will become one flesh…I am talking about Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5, selections made to cut out the marriage parallels in the sentences.)

Reading how He loves us makes my heart burst! He loves me and cares for me! He proved it on the cross and proves it over and over again as I feed on his word. He unites me to Himself. These are all marital ideas, my friends, complete with lovey dovey feelings that might make us blush or roll our eyes if they were on public display. And to think that they are! Hallelujah!

purpose of a single christian

Purpose 2: Make Disciples

The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:31, NIV)

When God created the first man and woman in the garden, He told them to “fill the earth” (Gen. 1:28). But He didn’t just want a full earth; He had put his own image in the man and woman and intended them to make more “image bearers” – more disciples! More people who will worship and glorify His name!

As a single, then, you’re not “left out” of this command. You might go the parental route and decide to become a single adoptive parent or mentor children and youth. Or, you might instead focus on those in your own stage of life who do not know Jesus. Either way, you are creating spiritual children.

I’ve said before that marriage is under attack because it is a primary relational illustration of God’s love for us.

God has given us another relationship that He intended for the world to marvel at and see His work: our relationship with other believers.

By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (John 13:35, NIV)

Just being in unity with the body of believers God has called you to, single or not, is a primary way for people to identify the love of Christ! Wow!

What is the purpose of a single christian

A Final Note: Marriage will both end and begin in heaven

Just to state it explicitly: being a married Christian is not better than being a single Christian.

In fact, earthly marriage (intended as it was for earthly things) will end when our time on earth ends.

When the dead rise, they will neither marry not be given in marriage. (Mark 12:25, NIV)

But all the more, we will finally be glorified – ready for our wedding day with our true groom Jesus.

Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!

For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. (Revelation 19:7, NIV)

What is the purpose of a single christian

All of our lives on earth are an offering to the Lord. Whatever relationship path he has us in currently- if you are trusting God in singleness, fighting for a struggling marriage, or mourning relational loss- I pray that we are willing to take a rest in those plastic chairs, settling into the goodness and trust of who He is and what purpose He has given us.

Resource: I gained more insight into this topic from The Gospel Coalition.

Why is Christian Marriage So Hard? Hope and Possibilities Within

The look on my face must have been one of utter confusion.

A woman who had been married almost forty years just told our group that, as a young fiancee, she had a bright and sunny outlook on marriage. To her generation, marriage was full of hope and possibilities for a blissful life.

Say what?

Contrary to us millennials who constantly hear and experience, “Marriage is hard.”

Why is Christian Marriage so hard

We’ve heard the stats: divorce rates in the church are the same as outside the church. In fact, anecdotally, many of us know marriages of unbelievers that are thriving and happy and united. 

Why aren’t ours?

Why is Christian marriage so hard?

There are two answers in Ephesians 5.

1. Marriage is a picture of God’s relationship with His people. Thus, much is at stake.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy…

This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church. (Eph. 5:24-26,32 NIV)

You may already know this, but why does this necessitate hardship?

God has given marriage as a primary tool to teach the gospel (the other big one being the love that God’s people have for each other). Thus, a lot is at stake. Redemption is at stake. Souls are at stake.

So a battle for our marriage is waged. Notice that the famous marriage passages are bookmarked on either side by guardianship against sin and spiritual warfare.

Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Eph. 5:15-16 NIV

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. Eph. 6:11 NIV

It should perhaps be no surprise at all that marriage is difficult. It’s a General in a massive battle for the kingdom.

Why is Christian marriage so hard?

Photo by CreationSwap

2. Marriage is a union of two sinners.

You could have guessed this, right? Paul is teaching the “faithful” in Ephesus how relationships work in God’s design, and he has to frequently call out our selfishness.

Get rid of all bitterness…

Find out what pleases the Lord…

Submit to one another…

Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…

Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies… All from Eph. 4-5

So now we don’t just have a relationship that is under attack by the enemy, but our very selves attack from within, letting selfishness breed like cancer.

I don’t now how well a cancerous soldier can fight. Do you?

Two ways to fight for a better marriage

So what’s the solution? There must be something that can make marriage better!

1. Trust in the victor.

Why is Christian marraige so hard

We already know how this battle ends. Christ’s heel is struck, but the enemy is crushed.

For God has given us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1Cor. 15:57 NIV

We must rest in this truth. Meditate on it and know that God wins!

2. Seek help and accountability.

You must  must  have help to have a great marriage. This includes

  • Personal accountability for your relationship with the Lord
  • Community with others who can encourage your marriage
  • Counseling for traumatic pasts and martial hurts

Why is Christian marraige so hard

After being married for forty years, do you know why that lady was in our group? Because it turns out marriage is hard, and she was leading other married couples to have better marriages, marriages that illustrate God’s work on the cross, marriages full of hope and possibilities. 

 

 

My Husband is Obsessed with Caulk and Tires

My husband is addicted to caulk and tires. And I love it….let me explain.

Anytime a free couple of hours comes around at our house, I hear phrases such as, “The car needs new tires because blablabla.” <–I lack interpretation skills here.

Or, “I need to go to Lowe’s to get caulk for the repair on the trim.”

Umm… what is trim? Why does something that looks exactly as it should need repair? What is this caulk that you speak of!?

When that “caulk” thingie and “trim” thingie involves me planning out something pretty, like built-ins for our living room, I all of a sudden can speak in home repair lingo like the best of them. Pretty + function = happy. Functional gluey paste that costs money and time but doesn’t give me a visual boost = why do we need this?

Am I alone??

My Husband is Obsessed with Caulk

Photo Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/navfac/

There are times when I even get extreme in my questioning of my husband’s affinity for caulk. Sometimes, I get angry, thinking he just wants something to do to avoid us.

Then, I was reading in Ecclesiastes…

If a man is lazy, the rafters sag;

if his hands are idle, the house leaks. (Ecc. 10:18, NIV)

My thoughts went straight to my husband’s attention to caulk lines and cracks in our walls. I thought, Well, he sure is not lazy, and our house does not leak, praise God!

if a man is lazy the rafters sag

Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/andrewbain/

But this passage is about so much more than that. Ecclesiastes has many proverbs-like passages, which makes sense considering the writer is one and the same. But in this book, they are mostly in larger contexts communicating broader messages… which means they’re quite confusing to me, and I have to pull out the Walvoord and Zuck commentary (affiliate link)… plus a dictionary to figure out what their big words mean ha.

After all of that, I see that verses 16-19 contrast the difference between a state run by a wise king and a state run by a foolish king, wisdom being a synonym for righteousness and folly being a synonym for unrighteousness in this case.

We see that the wise king is self-controlled (v. 17) and by contrast with the foolish king, the wise king takes care of his kingdom and does not believe bribery or shortcuts will gain anything positive.

Kingdom with a good king

Source: CreationSwap

Considering that the whole book aims to teach that being fully connected to God is the most enjoyable act of life, the righteous king would also “remember his creator in his youth” (12:1).

My husband could be spending his time doing any number of things – he’s still young! We’ve spent half of our life together now, so I won’t say how young, but he’s young enough that he could commit to sports hobbies 10 hours/week or dude nights twice a week or fun weekends away every month. But he doesn’t. He spends his time taking care of the family God has blessed him with, like a wise and righteous king managing his state.

This passage also reminds me of our Great King – King Jesus. We have no fear that he will ever let the rafters sag or the roof leak. He never took a shortcut to His mission on the road to the cross. He bravely and with self-control took on the full burden of our consequence, taking no bribe nor succumbing to temptation. Wielding the supernatural caulk and tires that only the God-man can.

Marriage: It’s Not a Competition

I talked my sister-from-another-mister Chrissy into sharing some wisdom on the blog today while I’m on vacation! God bless you sis for putting it out there for us! I love her teachable heart – we can all learn something from this post. Give her some social media love and check out her blog about being a merchant marine wife!
I’m not a competitive person by nature but I’ve found myself competing with my husband. It started after I gave birth to our oldest daughter. I would get angry anytime he would call and complain that he was tired or worked hard that day.

“He has no clue!”
“At least he gets to sleep in peace every night!”
“How dare he call and dump all of his problems on me…he clearly has no idea how worn out I am!”

When we had our second child it only got worse. I became more bitter. I found myself angry at him but yearning to connect with him at the same time.

Marriage is not a competition
Thankfully God gave me some gentle nudging toward how selfish and wrong I was! I took a year long course called Biblical Womanhood this past year and my biggest takeaway was that my husband and I were created differently with different roles in mind.

Nurturing is in my DNA. I don’t have to try very hard to love my kids. It comes naturally. Those daily tasks I want to complain about so much… the middle of the night nursing, the endless laundry, the toddler tantrums, the same bedtime routine every night, the exhaustion… it’s just part of the package. In truth, my dream package. I’ve never had more fulfilling work than being a mother. Yes, it’s work, but it comes with a deep satisfaction.

Now my husband on the other hand. He has this huge weight of being the only provider for our family. Our entire livelihood hangs on his decisions every day. One wrong move or bad call and he will probably end up without a job (best case scenario) in jail or even dead. He sometimes works 24 hour days on a steel deck in blizzards and 15 ft seas. He goes without eating or sleeping if the job requires it. He is away from his entire support system for weeks at a time.

So when he calls to unload or tell me how tired he is, why am I angry?! Don’t I want to be that person for him? Would I rather he call someone else to vent about his day?

Instead of competing with my husband for who had the hardest day, who got the least amount of sleep, who works harder/longer. I want to help him up. I want to appreciate what he does for us. He showers me with appreciation. I get messages like this all day long:

“I don’t know how you do it. You’re amazing! Our girls are so lucky to have you!”
“I’m praying for you babe! I hope you get some good sleep tonight.”
“How was your night? I have a long day ahead but I will call as soon as I can!”

And he does.

So when that call comes, I want to love him, encourage him, respect him. I want to listen to what he went through. I still share my struggles but it looks less like a competition and more like two best friends catching up.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Chrissy DoucetChrissy is a Stay-at-Home mom of two and wife to Merchant Marine. She sporadically updates her blog with posts on family life, healthy living, fitness and the occasional recipe.

Two Verses that will Change Your View of Your Husband

I don’t often think about how my husband views me; in fact, I’m confident in his love for me.

Maybe so confident that I neglect him. So confident that I don’t think about the temptations that surround him. Confident enough to shut my eyes and ears to how he serves me.
Change How You View Your Husband

I was literally startled when I read these verses in the Bible.

Like a lily among thorns
is my darling among the young women.

Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest
is my beloved among the young men. (Song of Solomon 2:2-3, NIV)

Am I like a lily among thorns to my husband?

That was the immediate question. And I knew the answer: I might be more like a thorn among thorns. 

Am I more like a thorn?

My husband is already in a patch of thorns!

  • the world’s troubles (John 16:33)
  • the curse of difficult work (Genesis 3:17)
  • bearing others’ burdens (Galatians 6:2)
  • his own sin nature (Romans 3:23)
  • among others!

When he sees me, does he see a lily? Am I:

  • a rare treat?
  • refreshing his eyes and soul?
  • soft and gentle?
  • lovely?

I long to be as a lily to my husband

To be perfectly honest, this verse is comparing Solomon’s bride to other women. My husband, like many, is surrounded by other women all the time! While I completely trust him, I want to be the woman that stands out from the crowd. 

What if I am more like a thorn among lilies?

Yes, he has a responsibility to serve and love me no matter what, but my marriage will be markedly more wonderful if I’m committed to making that responsibility a joy and a treasure.

Do I see my husband as a gift?

Imagine you’re walking through a forest, thick with huge trees. Vines, brambles, and shrubs cover the trunks of the trees and the ground on which you’re treading. Bugs are everywhere. Ducking under a branch, you wipe cobwebs from your face, and look up to see a clearing. In the middle of the clearing is one, single, random apple tree.

That’s the way I need to view my husband. Not random haha. No, he’s a find!

In fact, the bride says of her husband:

  • I feel safe with him and trust that he is capable (“I delight to sit in his shade.”)
  • Having sex with him is a sweet delight to me (“His fruit is sweet to my taste.”)
  • When we’re together in public, I’m happy to see how he treasures me (“Let him lead me to the banquet hall.”)

Can I say those things? Or instead, do I think:

  • My husband is like a child and truly needs my help. I can’t trust him to do anything right.
  • He disgusts me. OR, being intimate with my husband is the last thing I want to do.
  • I take every chance to belittle and tease my husband when we’re among others. If he pays me a compliment, I turn it back into an attack on him.

These two tiny verses are challenging me to see my husband as the gift that he is and to strive to be a lily among thorns for him!

Did these verses challenge you to view your husband differently?

 

The One Thing You Must Do to Enjoy Your Date Night

Enjoy Your Date Night

You wake up Friday morning, excited. You have a hot date tonight! With your man!

You confirm with the sitter. Make sure the kids have an appropriate dinner (i.e., something frozen). Get the Important Numbers list out. You and your husband are texting all day about the date, either making plans or excitedly anticipating the plans you’ve already made.

After a little thumb twiddling, you let the kids watch a movie so you can play dress up (and actually wear perfume!). He swoops in and sweeps you off your feet. And there you go!

Yayyyy…..

….

yyyy…

Hmmm… huh.

Meh.

As you go to bed that night, you think back on the date.

It wasn’t bad. But it wasn’t great. You went to one of your favorite restaurants – yay! You ordered an appetizer and ate it s.l.o.w.l.y. while you were talking about that thing that happened at the office on Monday.

Boy, that was tasty, you think as the handsome guy across from you is giving you the update on soccer practices and art previews from school this week.

The dessert is even better than the food… and the conversation, which is now centered on that issue with your uncle from forever ago. Humph.

Oh well. The conversation wasn’t that great, but we needed that time to catch up!

Your plan for after dinner was to go hear some live music and walk through the botanical gardens that are open at night, but you’re so tired, you both agree to go see the newest Bourne movie. (Good choice, by the way.)

Later you think, where did we go wrong? How did we not feel more – connected? Romantic? Flirtatious? Alive?

Here’s the one thing you must do if you want to actually enjoy your date night

Hold that thought (cruel, right?).

You might think I’m about to tell you to quit talking about the kids and school on your date, right? But you need to go back a little further than that.

To actually enjoy your date night, you must have a “catch up” time every day.

Yes. Every day.

As a couple, build into your routine a time each day that’s set aside just to listen to each other. Pour out any “business” (school and work) from the day. Lay out big decisions or worries you’re wrestling with. Pray together.

This might sound scary to you, or it might sound dreamy to you.

It might sound scary because it sounds like it takes a long time! It will at first, like most new rhythms. But once you’ve built it in, you’ll find that sometimes it only takes 10 minutes. Other times, it does take about an hour to really hear each other and care and pray for each other.

Plus, you actually have to hold off on turning on the TV… I know!

It might sound dreamy because it’s something you desire, but it would be difficult for your spouse to be on board with it. Let them know at a happy time (not during a fight) that having a certain time to be heard is important to you and makes you feel loved. Pray that God would make your spouse receptive and committed.

When you’re spending this kind of quality time together every day, you both expect it, you fight for it, and then when you have a date night planned, you can really have fun and converse just the two of you and re-learn all about each other!

And here’s one little bonus tip, especially for the tired and exhausted marriage couple:

Order coffee or tea at the beginning of your date

This sounds a little counterintuitive, maybe – don’t you want to sleep later? But, when we’re in those tired, tired seasons with littles, the first thing I do on a date is order a cappuccino.

If we’re paying for a sitter and spending time and money and energy to work at our marriage, then I want to give him my best – and my best comes with a shot of espresso! At this stage of my life, my caffeine sensitivity has been buried with months of no sleep, so I don’t have a sleepless night later, but even if I did, it would be worth it to build in special bonding time with my man.

And then I might feel more up to that music and garden tour instead of the movie I’d sleep through!

Thanks to my husband, whose sermon on Song of Solomon inspired this post!

5 Ways I Disrespect My Husband When Asking for Help

There’s that heat rising up in my face again. The diet coke is foaming.

“I need your help!” I yell at my husband.

His face is aghast. Almost slack, like he’s seeing a creature from the black lagoon.

He springs into action, his shoulders slumped – all sense of manhood ripped from him by… his wife. The one woman who God purposed to encourage him, to point him to the Savior, to boost the spiritual-leader-ness inside of him.

Disrespect.

Then my shoulders model his when I realize what I’ve done. I look back – Where was the root of this? How did this begin? All I needed was a little help!

The error, though, wasn’t in the words, “I need your help!”

5 Ways I Disrespect My Husband When Asking for Help

Source: Pexels

5 Ways I Disrespect My Husband When I Ask for Help

1. I tried to do it all alone to begin with.

Asking for help is needed, especially in marriage – a team sport. Too often when I need help, my independence kicks in.

“I don’t need help. I’ve taken care of myself most of my life.”

“Well, he’s not here to help me the rest of the time, so why give him the courtesy of helping me now?” (Wow, I’m such a peach, huh?)

Or, autopilot is simply on. I’m used to doing XYZ, so I just do it without making room for anyone else.

Now, what if I told you that all of the statements above actually have to do with our relationship with the Lord?

Uh huh. That one hurts. When we try to go it alone, we’re first saying that we don’t need God. We’re capable alone. All of a sudden, that lie emerges.

Staying connected to the vine is the first way to correct this error.

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me (John 15:4, NIV)

2. I’ve been hiding my real feelings.

Back to our marriage – how has my communication with my husband been lately?

I bet the answer is, “Not stellar.”

When little things irk me, like that off the cuff remark about my lack of athleticism or giving me a look when I pull out a late-night snack, and I let it go, am I really letting it go?

Hopefully, I’m in a place to be in on the joke myself and not take everything so seriously. Because really, my clutziness is hilarious. I can manage to rip off a fingernail (like, the bed of the nail) doing laundry. And I always eat something at night because three kids means I don’t eat enough during the day. But snack after snack in the evening looks like I might have a little problem haha!

But if I’m in a hurting place where I need a little more sensitivity, am I expressing that? Or, am I thinking, “That shouldn’t bother me, so I’ll pretend it didn’t.”

If I’m not letting my husband in, even with a simple, “Babe, I know I’m ridiculous, but can you lighten up a touch? Mama’s sensitive tonight,” how can I expect him to understand me?

3. Wrong time and place.

Whew – I feel like I just went through this with my husband. Before a “big weekend,” we always try to communicate before the weekend.

What is this going to look like?

What happens if I need help and you’re busy?

What are some ways I can step in to help you without us getting in a fight over it in the moment?

When we don’t do this, neither of us know what to expect from each other and one of us lashes out – a harsh word, a cold shoulder, venting on our guests… all things that only increase the disrespect.

4. My tone is rude and degrading (you knew it was coming).

My husband is not my child! I should never treat him like a child by giving him “the look”, “the evil eye”, the “mom voice”.

Likewise, commanding him to do something or giving him an ultimatum only shows him I plan to take control of this marriage, that he’s not good enough to lead, and that I don’t believe him to be a capable man.

Seeing the disrespect in our eyes, body language, and voice only pushes my husband into passivity or anger – the two things I want the least from my husband!

5. Not saying “Yes” to the help he offers.

Conviction here! My husband actually does offer to help me. A lot. But it’s never in the way I want to be helped! Sometimes, I just need to communicate the help that I need, but other times, I need to say “Yes!” to the help he’s offering.

Do I need to control every little thing he does? Must I always be right about where things go and how the baby is dressed and what route we should take? If he’s offering to help, I want to say “Yes!” and “Thank you!” instead of, “No, that’s OK” whilst mumbling (if only you would do this instead).

I know I’m not alone in this! I’d love to hear if you have a number 6 to add to the list.

What to Pray When You Feel All Alone

Boy, aren’t there times when we feel alone?

Suffering. Depression. Anxiety. Infertility.

Health. Jobs. Kids. Family.

Oppression. Isolation. Addiction.

What if you’re married… and you still feel alone? Even worse – what if you feel like your husband is the enemy?

What to Pray When You Feel Alone

Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/geekounet/ (changes mine)

Perhaps your husband is abusing you. If so, it’s time to tell someone. Tell your pastor. Tell your friend. Call a counselor. Ask for help. Please.

Maybe your husband is simply passive; you’re not united. You’re always at odds.

Even a vibrant, God-seeking marriage can feel like a lonely island. You talk, but he doesn’t hear. He doesn’t understand, or he’s not seeking to. What then?

After all, if the enemy can take down marriage, he’s taken down one of God’s primary illustrations of Himself.

If you’re single, you still have the same enemy. Loneliness and aloneness still knock.

We know God is there, but it’s hard to feel it. We don’t sense Him. We’re not opening that Bible because we aren’t connected to the vine.

Or we open and it feels like jibberish.

More piercing, we may read and feel anger at the Lord.

When I’m suffering with intense emotions, I can only pray through Scripture itself. I tell God how I’m feeling, but I must must come back to truth. Reciting it reorients my heart and mind, sometimes only with repetition and time.

So if you’re in any of the states I’ve described – or one I’ve obviously missed – here is a Scripture to pray through.

For context, David was hiding from his enemy in a cave when he wrote this.

I cry aloud to the Lord;
    I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
I pour out before him my complaint;
    before him I tell my trouble.

When my spirit grows faint within me,
    it is you who watch over my way.
In the path where I walk
    people have hidden a snare for me.
Look and see, there is no one at my right hand;
    no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
    no one cares for my life.

I cry to you, Lord;
    I say, “You are my refuge,
    my portion in the land of the living.”

Listen to my cry,
    for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
    for they are too strong for me.
Set me free from my prison,
    that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
    because of your goodness to me.(Psalm 142, emphasis mine)

Why am I Angry at My Husband?

Why am I Angry at my Husband

Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/kelvynskee/ (changes mine)

I have good intentions. Really, I do – and I bet you do too!

While my husband is at work, I think of ways to bless him. I might send him a cute text or a snap. A dinner he will love is on the plan. I’m thinking of what stresses he might be dealing with today.

My thoughts wander to when he will be coming home and how I will look him right in the eyes and give him a great big kiss.

“How was your day at work?” I will ask, and he will expound while I actually pause and listen.

Then we will enjoy the kids’ laughter while we get the food on the table and sit down for our favorite parts of the day.

Except it’s not the evening yet. It’s 3:30pm, which is the new witching hour now that we have one kiddo in school full time, a threenager, and a 5-month old.

The eldest child is an angel at school, so he puts all that aside when he gets home and lets all the chaos loose. The threenager is now having attention split 3 ways, and that baby must be held again once it’s time to chop the onions.

The frustration of not having things my way – not being in control – is starting to fizz a little inside, much like a cold Diet Coke. One child disrespects while the other has a physical crisis (read: bathroom issue or pain issue). I’m trying to be consistent in my discipline to nip the disrespect in the bud, but everything is blowing up in my face.

My control freak crashes the party and throws a mentos in and BOOM.

I’m angry.

Just flat out angry at the lack of control.

The butterflies and flowers in my thought bubble pop, and in comes a storm cloud aimed right at… my husband.

I’m not sure when he entered into this mess, but he sure is the target now.

“How can he do this to me?”

“He has no idea what I’m dealing with right now!”

“He’s only home for the fun stuff.”

“Why does he choose today to be late?”

These rapid-fire thoughts are only a sample – I have quite a few more for him.

You see, the reason I’m angry at my husband is:

I’m choosing to be.

Much like you’re the ugliest to your mama (bless her soul!), you decide he’s to blame.

I want him to rescue me because of my need for security, and he’s not there, so I decide he’s incapable. I’m on my own. Again.

Thus, it’s his fault.

Do you see how the lies play into this?

I’m choosing to believe he’s at fault. I’m choosing to be angry at him. I can’t be angry at the kids – that’s what a bad mom would do, and I’m not a bad mom. I can’t be angry at myself – this is obviously not my fault.

I make a choice.

Lately, I’ve been working on making a choice for truth. When that unfound (or maybe misplaced timing?) anger rises up against my husband, I’m combatting the lies with truth.

“My husband has nothing to do with what’s going on right now.”

“My husband is for me and would absolutely help me if he were here.”

“My husband is with me in that he’s on my side, and we’ve made plans for how to handle difficult situations with the kids.”

“He’s at work, which is exactly what he’s supposed to be doing right now.”

“I’m choosing to be angry at him.” <– This one right here is the one that usually throws the water on the fire. Once I realize I have made the choice to be angry at him, I can usually be free of that malice. I still have to deal with the present situation, but my daggers are now back in their sheaths, ready to fight the real battles we face.

Do you agree with me? Have you found freedom from these lies? If so, how?