Tag Archives: abuse

What to Pray When You Feel All Alone

Boy, aren’t there times when we feel alone?

Suffering. Depression. Anxiety. Infertility.

Health. Jobs. Kids. Family.

Oppression. Isolation. Addiction.

What if you’re married… and you still feel alone? Even worse – what if you feel like your husband is the enemy?

What to Pray When You Feel Alone

Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/geekounet/ (changes mine)

Perhaps your husband is abusing you. If so, it’s time to tell someone. Tell your pastor. Tell your friend. Call a counselor. Ask for help. Please.

Maybe your husband is simply passive; you’re not united. You’re always at odds.

Even a vibrant, God-seeking marriage can feel like a lonely island. You talk, but he doesn’t hear. He doesn’t understand, or he’s not seeking to. What then?

After all, if the enemy can take down marriage, he’s taken down one of God’s primary illustrations of Himself.

If you’re single, you still have the same enemy. Loneliness and aloneness still knock.

We know God is there, but it’s hard to feel it. We don’t sense Him. We’re not opening that Bible because we aren’t connected to the vine.

Or we open and it feels like jibberish.

More piercing, we may read and feel anger at the Lord.

When I’m suffering with intense emotions, I can only pray through Scripture itself. I tell God how I’m feeling, but I must must come back to truth. Reciting it reorients my heart and mind, sometimes only with repetition and time.

So if you’re in any of the states I’ve described – or one I’ve obviously missed – here is a Scripture to pray through.

For context, David was hiding from his enemy in a cave when he wrote this.

I cry aloud to the Lord;
    I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
I pour out before him my complaint;
    before him I tell my trouble.

When my spirit grows faint within me,
    it is you who watch over my way.
In the path where I walk
    people have hidden a snare for me.
Look and see, there is no one at my right hand;
    no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
    no one cares for my life.

I cry to you, Lord;
    I say, “You are my refuge,
    my portion in the land of the living.”

Listen to my cry,
    for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
    for they are too strong for me.
Set me free from my prison,
    that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
    because of your goodness to me.(Psalm 142, emphasis mine)

I Wasn’t Listening

I have been reminded lately that my husband is a source of wisdom in my marriage. Not reminded in the sense that he finally did something wise for a change. No. He’s wise, but I don’t pay attention to his wisdom.

I read a blog post from my friend Holly on the busy-ness she struggles with and how she should “[trust] that [her hubby] hears from the Lord” about things going on in her life.

Then, I was reading yesterday about community, and the question was posed – Are you committed to and experiencing the personal transformation that God has planned for [the redemptive relationships already in your life, like marriage, family, small group, etc.]?

Um. Committed yes. In theory. Experience is where it’s breaking down. Why? Because I’m not looking at my marriage as a source of hearing about God’s will.

Which is pretty dumb because of what God tells us through Paul in Ephesians 5:

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church – he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, so that he may present the church to himself as glorious – not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. (NETBible, Ephesians 5:22-28)

God ordained my husband to be as much like Jesus to me as is earthly possible!

. . . (let that sink in, ladies. And men.)

So do you think God leads me through my husband? If I’m submitting to that leadership, then yes. What happens if I’m not even looking to him for that leadership? I will look to someone or something else:

  • myself
  • another man
  • success
  • material possessions
  • other women in my life (who are great for spiritual growth but are not the “head”)
  • fulfillment in being “a good mom” or “a good person”

I could go on. Couldn’t you?

So. When I realized that I actually have not been submitting to my husband in this way, I tried to make a change.

  • When he told me I can be negative and critical, I tried to listen and not be defensive.
  • When he and I were looking at our finances to consider a life change, I trusted his conclusions. And I didn’t fight them to make my way “fit”.
  • When he recommended that I take some alone time to have time with God (and not blog), I took him up on it.

And this is only this week. What a breath of fresh, leading air I’m smelling – ladies, it’s SO good!

What if you don’t feel your husband is in a right relationship with God to lead you? In that case, I have to ask a follow up question: Are you in any kind of emotionally or physically abusive relationship? If so, SEEK HELP NOW. Contact your pastor or another family of God who can help you and point you to professional Christian counseling. You need to be safe and in a healthy place before anything else. Next up for everyone, PRAY for your husband to have men leading him in his life, and barring abuse, follow and respect your husband. It may be sloppy while he’s growing, but God is unendingly faithful.

I’m so blessed with a husband who prays for me daily and leads me in humble acknowledgment of the responsibilities God has given him. I’m no dummy, though. I know myself. This will continually be a challenge for me. And so I pray.

Lord, give me a heart that submits first and foremost to you. Bless my husband to listen to you and submit to you daily. I pray for a listening heart, a learning heart. A heart for you.
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