Tag Archives: frustration

Why am I Angry at My Husband?

Why am I Angry at my Husband

Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/kelvynskee/ (changes mine)

I have good intentions. Really, I do – and I bet you do too!

While my husband is at work, I think of ways to bless him. I might send him a cute text or a snap. A dinner he will love is on the plan. I’m thinking of what stresses he might be dealing with today.

My thoughts wander to when he will be coming home and how I will look him right in the eyes and give him a great big kiss.

“How was your day at work?” I will ask, and he will expound while I actually pause and listen.

Then we will enjoy the kids’ laughter while we get the food on the table and sit down for our favorite parts of the day.

Except it’s not the evening yet. It’s 3:30pm, which is the new witching hour now that we have one kiddo in school full time, a threenager, and a 5-month old.

The eldest child is an angel at school, so he puts all that aside when he gets home and lets all the chaos loose. The threenager is now having attention split 3 ways, and that baby must be held again once it’s time to chop the onions.

The frustration of not having things my way – not being in control – is starting to fizz a little inside, much like a cold Diet Coke. One child disrespects while the other has a physical crisis (read: bathroom issue or pain issue). I’m trying to be consistent in my discipline to nip the disrespect in the bud, but everything is blowing up in my face.

My control freak crashes the party and throws a mentos in and BOOM.

I’m angry.

Just flat out angry at the lack of control.

The butterflies and flowers in my thought bubble pop, and in comes a storm cloud aimed right at… my husband.

I’m not sure when he entered into this mess, but he sure is the target now.

“How can he do this to me?”

“He has no idea what I’m dealing with right now!”

“He’s only home for the fun stuff.”

“Why does he choose today to be late?”

These rapid-fire thoughts are only a sample – I have quite a few more for him.

You see, the reason I’m angry at my husband is:

I’m choosing to be.

Much like you’re the ugliest to your mama (bless her soul!), you decide he’s to blame.

I want him to rescue me because of my need for security, and he’s not there, so I decide he’s incapable. I’m on my own. Again.

Thus, it’s his fault.

Do you see how the lies play into this?

I’m choosing to believe he’s at fault. I’m choosing to be angry at him. I can’t be angry at the kids – that’s what a bad mom would do, and I’m not a bad mom. I can’t be angry at myself – this is obviously not my fault.

I make a choice.

Lately, I’ve been working on making a choice for truth. When that unfound (or maybe misplaced timing?) anger rises up against my husband, I’m combatting the lies with truth.

“My husband has nothing to do with what’s going on right now.”

“My husband is for me and would absolutely help me if he were here.”

“My husband is with me in that he’s on my side, and we’ve made plans for how to handle difficult situations with the kids.”

“He’s at work, which is exactly what he’s supposed to be doing right now.”

“I’m choosing to be angry at him.” <– This one right here is the one that usually throws the water on the fire. Once I realize I have made the choice to be angry at him, I can usually be free of that malice. I still have to deal with the present situation, but my daggers are now back in their sheaths, ready to fight the real battles we face.

Do you agree with me? Have you found freedom from these lies? If so, how?

How to Stop Being a Mean Mommy

I noticed something strange about myself recently: When we are in public, I am much more harsh with my son, Samuel.

When it’s just the two of us, I seem to talk more gently, give more explanation, offer another chance, or take into account the fact that he’s tired or hungry or two years old.

But when we’re at someone else’s house or we’re at the grocery store or even if my mom or in-laws are at our house, Samuel gets a mommy who is much more likely to be angry and frustrated. A mommy who is going to discipline with swiftness or roll her eyes or make huffy noises.

Why is this?

It has nothing to do with Samuel.

It’s because of me. My insecurities as a mom.

I have bought the lie that my worth as a mom is directly related to how well my children behave.

Repeat with me: It’s a lie.

I have worth as a person because God bestows value on me! {Hallelujah!}

And yet I become psycho mom when my 2-year old decides he should see what happens when he hits a friend or screams or throws his toys on the floor – again.

Aren’t you thankful our Father in heaven doesn’t treat us like this? When we’re in public, trying to throw our toys around, smack-down on our friends, or let our boisterousness take over like a gong, He doesn’t look at us in frustration. He doesn’t need our behavior to be perfect for Him to be holy – he is holiness 100%. However, it’s interesting that how we act does have an affect on the world – we who claim Jesus as our Savior – the more Christ-like we are, the more we have an audience to share the gospel of Jesus with the world:

…so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life” (Philippians 2:15-16a, NIV)

So when I am losing my cool with Samuel, I can turn to my Father. I can:

  • Ask God for strength and patience – relying on Him to provide when I am weak.
  • Pray for my son more often. That he would come to know Jesus at a young age.
  • Give myself a timeout: Pause for a minute before disciplining, and ask myself if my harshness is really merited and sinless.
  • Model God’s grace to Samuel more. I can discipline in love, but I can also offer forgiveness that isn’t deserved.

And in all of this, I need to pray for myself:

  • That I would stop trying to gain the approval of others.
  • That I would let God’s grace act in my life more, instead of trying to “do it all”.
  • That I could be more like God, and that that would point others, including my children, to Him

Do you struggle with this temptation? How has the Spirit equipped you to fight it?

Daily Deals in Your City