Tag Archives: idols

Why am I Angry at My Husband?

Why am I Angry at my Husband

Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/kelvynskee/ (changes mine)

I have good intentions. Really, I do – and I bet you do too!

While my husband is at work, I think of ways to bless him. I might send him a cute text or a snap. A dinner he will love is on the plan. I’m thinking of what stresses he might be dealing with today.

My thoughts wander to when he will be coming home and how I will look him right in the eyes and give him a great big kiss.

“How was your day at work?” I will ask, and he will expound while I actually pause and listen.

Then we will enjoy the kids’ laughter while we get the food on the table and sit down for our favorite parts of the day.

Except it’s not the evening yet. It’s 3:30pm, which is the new witching hour now that we have one kiddo in school full time, a threenager, and a 5-month old.

The eldest child is an angel at school, so he puts all that aside when he gets home and lets all the chaos loose. The threenager is now having attention split 3 ways, and that baby must be held again once it’s time to chop the onions.

The frustration of not having things my way – not being in control – is starting to fizz a little inside, much like a cold Diet Coke. One child disrespects while the other has a physical crisis (read: bathroom issue or pain issue). I’m trying to be consistent in my discipline to nip the disrespect in the bud, but everything is blowing up in my face.

My control freak crashes the party and throws a mentos in and BOOM.

I’m angry.

Just flat out angry at the lack of control.

The butterflies and flowers in my thought bubble pop, and in comes a storm cloud aimed right at… my husband.

I’m not sure when he entered into this mess, but he sure is the target now.

“How can he do this to me?”

“He has no idea what I’m dealing with right now!”

“He’s only home for the fun stuff.”

“Why does he choose today to be late?”

These rapid-fire thoughts are only a sample – I have quite a few more for him.

You see, the reason I’m angry at my husband is:

I’m choosing to be.

Much like you’re the ugliest to your mama (bless her soul!), you decide he’s to blame.

I want him to rescue me because of my need for security, and he’s not there, so I decide he’s incapable. I’m on my own. Again.

Thus, it’s his fault.

Do you see how the lies play into this?

I’m choosing to believe he’s at fault. I’m choosing to be angry at him. I can’t be angry at the kids – that’s what a bad mom would do, and I’m not a bad mom. I can’t be angry at myself – this is obviously not my fault.

I make a choice.

Lately, I’ve been working on making a choice for truth. When that unfound (or maybe misplaced timing?) anger rises up against my husband, I’m combatting the lies with truth.

“My husband has nothing to do with what’s going on right now.”

“My husband is for me and would absolutely help me if he were here.”

“My husband is with me in that he’s on my side, and we’ve made plans for how to handle difficult situations with the kids.”

“He’s at work, which is exactly what he’s supposed to be doing right now.”

“I’m choosing to be angry at him.” <– This one right here is the one that usually throws the water on the fire. Once I realize I have made the choice to be angry at him, I can usually be free of that malice. I still have to deal with the present situation, but my daggers are now back in their sheaths, ready to fight the real battles we face.

Do you agree with me? Have you found freedom from these lies? If so, how?

How to Stop Being a Mean Mommy

I noticed something strange about myself recently: When we are in public, I am much more harsh with my son, Samuel.

When it’s just the two of us, I seem to talk more gently, give more explanation, offer another chance, or take into account the fact that he’s tired or hungry or two years old.

But when we’re at someone else’s house or we’re at the grocery store or even if my mom or in-laws are at our house, Samuel gets a mommy who is much more likely to be angry and frustrated. A mommy who is going to discipline with swiftness or roll her eyes or make huffy noises.

Why is this?

It has nothing to do with Samuel.

It’s because of me. My insecurities as a mom.

I have bought the lie that my worth as a mom is directly related to how well my children behave.

Repeat with me: It’s a lie.

I have worth as a person because God bestows value on me! {Hallelujah!}

And yet I become psycho mom when my 2-year old decides he should see what happens when he hits a friend or screams or throws his toys on the floor – again.

Aren’t you thankful our Father in heaven doesn’t treat us like this? When we’re in public, trying to throw our toys around, smack-down on our friends, or let our boisterousness take over like a gong, He doesn’t look at us in frustration. He doesn’t need our behavior to be perfect for Him to be holy – he is holiness 100%. However, it’s interesting that how we act does have an affect on the world – we who claim Jesus as our Savior – the more Christ-like we are, the more we have an audience to share the gospel of Jesus with the world:

…so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life” (Philippians 2:15-16a, NIV)

So when I am losing my cool with Samuel, I can turn to my Father. I can:

  • Ask God for strength and patience – relying on Him to provide when I am weak.
  • Pray for my son more often. That he would come to know Jesus at a young age.
  • Give myself a timeout: Pause for a minute before disciplining, and ask myself if my harshness is really merited and sinless.
  • Model God’s grace to Samuel more. I can discipline in love, but I can also offer forgiveness that isn’t deserved.

And in all of this, I need to pray for myself:

  • That I would stop trying to gain the approval of others.
  • That I would let God’s grace act in my life more, instead of trying to “do it all”.
  • That I could be more like God, and that that would point others, including my children, to Him

Do you struggle with this temptation? How has the Spirit equipped you to fight it?

Daily Deals in Your City

Answer This

What motivates you? Why do you do what you do?

No, for reals. I really want to know. And you need to ask yourself this question. You’ll find that the answer to this question can show you what you are truly worshipping.

Take me, for example. I am a doer. For several years now, I have been extraordinarily productive, efficient, and motivated. At what? Pretty much everything. And to be honest, I became really, super efficient when I started following Jesus in college.

The question is why?

My first answer is: because I like to get things done. I enjoy accomplishing things. Having my lists checked off is satisfying to me.

This answer is not good enough because it does not get to the root of this behavior.

So I ask further – Why do I like to get things done? Why do I enjoy accomplishing things? Why does checking off boxes on a list satisfy me?

My first thought is that maybe I like to please people – maybe my idol is what other people think of me. And yes, that’s true. I do like worshipping others through people-pleasing. I do get bent out of shape when I think someone doesn’t like me or doesn’t approve of me. Approval is certainly an idol.

But that doesn’t completely answer the question – many of the things I do nobody sees. They’re dumb things, like cleaning out junked up cabinets, or baking a cake from scratch, or organizing data until it makes sense. Things nobody has asked me to do; things nobody expects me to do; things nobody rewards me to do. So approval is not the be all end all for me.

So I have to refine my question. The question is still Why, but it’s now more specific: Why do I feel satisfied when I finish something – even when no one else knows about it?

It took me a long time to realize the answer to this question – in fact, I just came to this conclusion a few months ago. Yes, by the grace of God, I now know the idol to whom I always go – begging for solace from a pitcher with holes:

Comfort.

I want to be comfortable. In fact, I long for comfort – not just comfort, but I lust for a life of ease. I know it seems a little counter-intuitive, but all of the things I do? I do them because I want them to be done – gone – never to return. I think, If I just get this one more thing done, I’ll be able to relax!

I love having a clean house – but when a crumb gets on the newly cleaned floor? That’s when my idol starts to mock me: It will never be done this side of heaven. When I triumphantly return to real life after a fog of doing – there is something else on my list. And there always will be. And many of those things will need to be done again and again.

Life is not comfortable. There is no such thing as heaven on earth. Until Jesus returns, I could do, do, do and worship the comfort that I will never gain from doing.

Instead, I want to worship Jesus. And He wants me to worship Him and Him alone.

To find out what you’re worshipping right now, ask yourself the same, iterative questions until you get to the bare bones of what you really desire. Crave. Yearn for. And replace it with Him.

Whose Praise Do You Want?

I would say that generally I’m well-liked. I have this annoying need for people to like me. But when I don’t feel liked by someone, I get really stressed and analyze all of the things I might have done to turn that person off.

I want to blame it on my sensitive nature; I’m the person who will come up to you at a party and try to make you feel comfortable (because I know how it feels to be that person!). But is it really that?

News Flash to Stephanie: Nobody needs you to like them!

During the month of March, I’m blogging on Fridays at Some Girl’s Website. Read the rest of this post here.

Gifts Abound

Right now, as I type, God is answering prayers in my life. And I’m humbled.

They aren’t what you might think of as the biggie prayers. But they are important to me and my family.

I am not extremely superstitious. However, in the last week, certain things have happened so specifically that we knew God was opening doors. Have you ever had that happen (do tell!)? It was kinda creepy…

And I’m scared.

Scared because I will lose control. The vicegrip I have on security – it will be gone.

Scared because I will fail. And I will be the one to blame.

Scared because it will be new. And the old – the comfortable? – it will be gone.

Scared because I will have to trust God. And trust my husband. And I’m used to trusting me.

So while I’m sitting here just thanking God for caring about the little things in our life, I’m also shaking in my boots. Peace is there, but courage is lacking. Could you pray for courage for me?

Courage that I will trust?

Courage that I will be able to say good-bye to my comfort and my control?

Thanks.

P.S. Sorry to be so cryptic, but nothing is completely decided yet. I will definitely share at a later date. I promise!

Desire Part 3: God Wants Glory

I know what God wants, and it is glory. Does that sound strange to you? Does it sound selfish? I mean, isn’t God here to serve me? No. NO. NO!

In fact, He is not here for a reason. HE just IS. But we – we are here for a reason and a purpose.

This alone absolutely floors me. The One True, can’t-even-look-at-His-fabulousness God created me because He wanted to! He created you because He wanted to! Wow.

So Why???

  • Purpose: To worship Him.
    • for all things in heaven and on earth were created by him – all things, whether visible or invisible, whether thrones or dominions, whether principalities or powers – all things were created through him and for him. (NETBible, Colossians 1:16)
    • Let them praise the name of the Lord, for he gave the command and they came into existence. (NETBible, Psalm 148:5)
    • everyone who belongs to me, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed – yes, whom I made! (NETBible, Isaiah 43:7) 
    • But truly, as I live, all the earth will be filled with the glory of the Lord. (NETBible, Numbers 14:21)

We are here not merely to be happy. But to fall on our knees as we must before Him and to revel in who He is.

I love how John Piper says it, “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of being dissatisfied with the things of this earth. I’m tired of being dissatisfied with religion. I’m tired of being dissatisfied with my idols of comfort and family-worship. I’m going to the throne to find The One who truly satisfies.

Here I am, Lord, dragging myself to You again, empty and exhausted from valuing everything but You. I am humbled to see that You want me! You are my Creator-Father. And You alone are worthy of glory.