I have good intentions. Really, I do – and I bet you do too!
“How was your day at work?” I will ask, and he will expound while I actually pause and listen.
Then we will enjoy the kids’ laughter while we get the food on the table and sit down for our favorite parts of the day.
Except it’s not the evening yet. It’s 3:30pm, which is the new witching hour now that we have one kiddo in school full time, a threenager, and a 5-month old.
The eldest child is an angel at school, so he puts all that aside when he gets home and lets all the chaos loose. The threenager is now having attention split 3 ways, and that baby must be held again once it’s time to chop the onions.
The frustration of not having things my way – not being in control – is starting to fizz a little inside, much like a cold Diet Coke. One child disrespects while the other has a physical crisis (read: bathroom issue or pain issue). I’m trying to be consistent in my discipline to nip the disrespect in the bud, but everything is blowing up in my face.
My control freak crashes the party and throws a mentos in and BOOM.
Just flat out angry at the lack of control.
The butterflies and flowers in my thought bubble pop, and in comes a storm cloud aimed right at… my husband.
I’m not sure when he entered into this mess, but he sure is the target now.
“How can he do this to me?”
“He has no idea what I’m dealing with right now!”
“He’s only home for the fun stuff.”
“Why does he choose today to be late?”
These rapid-fire thoughts are only a sample – I have quite a few more for him.
You see, the reason I’m angry at my husband is:
I’m choosing to be.
Much like you’re the ugliest to your mama (bless her soul!), you decide he’s to blame.
I want him to rescue me because of my need for security, and he’s not there, so I decide he’s incapable. I’m on my own. Again.
Thus, it’s his fault.
Do you see how the lies play into this?
I’m choosing to believe he’s at fault. I’m choosing to be angry at him. I can’t be angry at the kids – that’s what a bad mom would do, and I’m not a bad mom. I can’t be angry at myself – this is obviously not my fault.
I make a choice.
Lately, I’ve been working on making a choice for truth. When that unfound (or maybe misplaced timing?) anger rises up against my husband, I’m combatting the lies with truth.
“My husband has nothing to do with what’s going on right now.”
“My husband is for me and would absolutely help me if he were here.”
“My husband is with me in that he’s on my side, and we’ve made plans for how to handle difficult situations with the kids.”
“He’s at work, which is exactly what he’s supposed to be doing right now.”
“I’m choosing to be angry at him.” <– This one right here is the one that usually throws the water on the fire. Once I realize I have made the choice to be angry at him, I can usually be free of that malice. I still have to deal with the present situation, but my daggers are now back in their sheaths, ready to fight the real battles we face.
Do you agree with me? Have you found freedom from these lies? If so, how?