Tag Archives: wisdom

My Husband is Obsessed with Caulk and Tires

My husband is addicted to caulk and tires. And I love it….let me explain.

Anytime a free couple of hours comes around at our house, I hear phrases such as, “The car needs new tires because blablabla.” <–I lack interpretation skills here.

Or, “I need to go to Lowe’s to get caulk for the repair on the trim.”

Umm… what is trim? Why does something that looks exactly as it should need repair? What is this caulk that you speak of!?

When that “caulk” thingie and “trim” thingie involves me planning out something pretty, like built-ins for our living room, I all of a sudden can speak in home repair lingo like the best of them. Pretty + function = happy. Functional gluey paste that costs money and time but doesn’t give me a visual boost = why do we need this?

Am I alone??

My Husband is Obsessed with Caulk

Photo Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/navfac/

There are times when I even get extreme in my questioning of my husband’s affinity for caulk. Sometimes, I get angry, thinking he just wants something to do to avoid us.

Then, I was reading in Ecclesiastes…

If a man is lazy, the rafters sag;

if his hands are idle, the house leaks. (Ecc. 10:18, NIV)

My thoughts went straight to my husband’s attention to caulk lines and cracks in our walls. I thought, Well, he sure is not lazy, and our house does not leak, praise God!

if a man is lazy the rafters sag

Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/andrewbain/

But this passage is about so much more than that. Ecclesiastes has many proverbs-like passages, which makes sense considering the writer is one and the same. But in this book, they are mostly in larger contexts communicating broader messages… which means they’re quite confusing to me, and I have to pull out the Walvoord and Zuck commentary (affiliate link)… plus a dictionary to figure out what their big words mean ha.

After all of that, I see that verses 16-19 contrast the difference between a state run by a wise king and a state run by a foolish king, wisdom being a synonym for righteousness and folly being a synonym for unrighteousness in this case.

We see that the wise king is self-controlled (v. 17) and by contrast with the foolish king, the wise king takes care of his kingdom and does not believe bribery or shortcuts will gain anything positive.

Kingdom with a good king

Source: CreationSwap

Considering that the whole book aims to teach that being fully connected to God is the most enjoyable act of life, the righteous king would also “remember his creator in his youth” (12:1).

My husband could be spending his time doing any number of things – he’s still young! We’ve spent half of our life together now, so I won’t say how young, but he’s young enough that he could commit to sports hobbies 10 hours/week or dude nights twice a week or fun weekends away every month. But he doesn’t. He spends his time taking care of the family God has blessed him with, like a wise and righteous king managing his state.

This passage also reminds me of our Great King – King Jesus. We have no fear that he will ever let the rafters sag or the roof leak. He never took a shortcut to His mission on the road to the cross. He bravely and with self-control took on the full burden of our consequence, taking no bribe nor succumbing to temptation. Wielding the supernatural caulk and tires that only the God-man can.

Wisdom or Death?

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Just as Wisdom is personified as a woman, so is another path – a path that leads to death: the path of the adulteress.

And I have to ask myself:

Am I a woman who personifies Wisdom or Death?

Am I the adulterous woman? A path of death?

Read Proverbs 7 to get the whole picture.

Let’s look at her characteristics:

She’s a smooth talker.

See verses 7, 11, 14-20, and 21.

She knows exactly how to seduce by making a man silent. She’s “loud” – and she efficiently and breathlessly talks the youth into her web of lies.

She provides him all of the safety and excuses he needs to be with her, feeding on his passivity and lust.

She makes him feel like a stud – knowing exactly the words a man needs to hear – words our husbands should hear from us. “I’ve been waiting all day… I’ve prepared for this moment… I’m so glad you’re here… I want you to take me… you’re the real man in my life… we’re safe…”

Questions: Do you talk all day with colleagues or even your bestie but are silent or degrading to your husband? If you’re single, are you using speech as a way to dominate men – perhaps at work or in relationships?

She’s premeditated.

See verses 12, 14-17.

The adulteress has prepared for this moment. She didn’t get caught up in something confusing. She put herself out there. She made it clear that she wants the youth, and that she’s free to be taken.

Questions: Are you sending flirty texts with a “friend”? Do you pass by the lunch room at the same time every day because a friend who gives you butterflies will be there? Do you go to his house just to “drop something by”? If you’re married, these are sure signs that you are caught in infidelity of the heart. As a single, ask yourself if the way you seem available is godly or ungodly.

She’s immodest – physically and verbally.

See verses 10, 11, 13, 17-20.

This lady is quite aware of how she dresses: like a hooker, probably with braided hair and plenty of adornment. Rouge and perfume have been used. The finest garments she can find are on her couch.

Not only that, but her speech leaves nothing to the imagination. She has no restraint, but pulls out all the stops to trap this man in his tracks. She mocks her religion (v. 14), she’s publicly prowling for men (v. 12), and she says, “Let’s have sex all night since my husband is gone” (vv. 19-20, my paraphrase).

Questions: What are you doing physically and verbally that are without restraint? How much of that is to gain ungodly attention?

She’s unhappy at home.

See verses 10, 11, and 19-20.

I see an unwillingness in her to be at home and to be happy at home. She’s “wily” and “wayward”. She can’t even be in her house because it reminds her of her true calling. She is grateful and eager because her husband isn’t there – so she can act like she’s not even married.

Questions: Do you escape your home because you’re escaping your marriage? Or, if you’re single, because you’re so desperate that you’re willing to sacrifice your integrity?

The caveats.

Yeah, this wisdom is written to “sons” against the adulteress. And this man, even though he’s written as a witless fool, he’s no dummy. He’s taking the “road to her house” on purpose. He wants her to seduce him. He wants her to give him no excuses. He’s just as guilty in this; maybe more so since he is called to lead.

And, there are guys that play the adulteress (obviously adulterer, but you get my point) too. Charming, smooth, always dressed nicely. Always seems to be right where you’re heading. Don’t be a fool and walk on the road to his house, ladies. His house is a house of death (v. 27).

It pains me to think about the times I’ve played the adulteress. It’s shameful and empty. I hate it and praise God for the years of redemption he’s given my marriage! My sin is covered by the blood of the only worthy Lamb, Jesus.

 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17, ESV)

Photo source

What to Get, What to Reject

Not only do I hear this from others, but I also seek this answer myself,

How do I know what to do?

Sometimes, I am so consumed with the answer to this question in a situation that I am frozen. Halted. Pondering all of the pros, cons, working every scenario out in my head. As if my risk analysis could lead me to a satisfying life.

It can’t.

Only Christ satisfies.

Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct,  since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” And if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one’s deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile,  knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot. He was foreknown before the foundation of the world but was made manifest in the last times for the sake of you who through him are believers in God, who raised him from the dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God. (1 Peter 1:15-21, ESV)

So I see first of all that I need to reject what I used to live for. Maybe that’s fame, money, status, popularity, a hot bod, knowledge, position, things.

We turn away from these things because our holy God became our substitute and won us back to the Father. So we seek a different life. A life that exists to glorify God and show Him to others.

In Proverbs 4, some more insight is shared on what things we should seek and what things we should cast off. We are told over and over again to pay attention to these words, to listen, accept, take hold, not forsake, hold on, guard, keep your eyes fixed. And the message is? Seek wisdom. Reject unrighteousness.

Notice what we can get rid of:

  • wealth v.7
  • evil acts and associations vv. 14-16
  • cheap emotions v.23
  • gossip, foul words v.24
  • dwelling on the past v.25

It seems from this proverb that wisdom and righteousness are intertwined – what are your thoughts on this? Do you agree? If you agree with your head, do you think your actions agree as well? (I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!)

Find Your Marriage Refs


How do you and your spouse fight? Are your fights full of thick, tense, unforgiving air? While you fight, do you also attempt to win the world’s loudest shouting match award? Or worse, is there physical abuse? Does one of you always cave and beg for forgiveness, just to keep the peace? Are you so busy talking through all of the exponential emotions you’ve experienced over this hurt that your husband can’t even remember what you were talking about?

Put 2 people together and what will they inevitably do? Disagree. When it comes down to it, most of us “fight dirty” in one way or another. We have seen and been a part of conflict since we were born. Many of us fight exactly as we saw our families fight, picking up all of the same faces, vocalizations, and abuses our parents slung and incurred.

I know I do.

When Brad and I were dating, if we were fighting about something, even especially if it was my fault, I would give the silent treatment. For someone who loves to hash conflict out immediately (Brad), it was torture, which made my tactic ever more effective and tempting. I could sit there for hours not speaking or looking at him while he begged and begged to talk about it. Finally, I would say something, and he was so grateful that I spoke, that he would just admit any kind of wrong to have resolution. And I let him.

It was awful!

Use a Baton When Communicating

I’m so glad that we had mature believers around us at that time in our life. Mature believers who said, “Let’s do this right.” (Thank you; you know who you are!) Our college pastor taught us how to communicate using a pen. Seriously. He would make me hold the pen and explain what I was feeling and why. When I was done (no interrupting), I would pass the pen to Brad. He would have to repeat what I said, and I would have to agree that he knew what I said (if I didn’t, I would re-explain until I was satisfied he knew how I felt). Then, it was his turn to tell me what he was feeling and why. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat until we all know what’s going on.

Sounds juvenile, right? We were, and oftentimes, we are.

Do you ever say, “You don’t understand!”? The pen eliminates that. Do you ever feel like you can’t get a word in edgewise? Won’t happen with the pen.

I highly recommend finding the nearest pen baton when you’re arguing, especially if you totally stink at conflict – which most of us do. Just sayin’.

Find Marriage Refs

A big huge gigantic part of conflict is feeling like you are heard and understood, so often, the baton-trick will align you on what happened so that you’re able to focus on how to love and respect each other better next time around.

But sometimes, the baton doesn’t get you anywhere. Or, the issue is so huge that your breath is taken away when you think about it. In these instances, it’s very important to have another married couple who can moderate your discussions, pray for you, and support you in taking steps to reconciliation.

To find your marriage (or even dating) referees, you don’t just a want a couple you’re friends with. In fact, a healthy distance isn’t a bad idea. You need objectivity. You don’t want to pick just anybody. You need a couple who champions marriage, has strong and effective conflict resolution of their own, and honors confidentiality. Consider logevity of marriage too (don’t pick newlyweds :)). But you do want them to care about you, so I wouldn’t pick complete strangers, either. I just wouldn’t pick a couple who will want to give you what you want.

Pick a couple who will tell you what you need to hear.

Ask this couple if they would be willing to be “on call” for you. In other words, if you and your spouse are having a conflict that is not being resolved, or if you are dealing with some very serious issues in you marriage, ask if they would be willing to help guide you through your conflict at a moment’s notice. You’ll be glad you did.

Do you already have a conflct resolution system in place? What is it? How has it helped?

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I Wasn’t Listening

I have been reminded lately that my husband is a source of wisdom in my marriage. Not reminded in the sense that he finally did something wise for a change. No. He’s wise, but I don’t pay attention to his wisdom.

I read a blog post from my friend Holly on the busy-ness she struggles with and how she should “[trust] that [her hubby] hears from the Lord” about things going on in her life.

Then, I was reading yesterday about community, and the question was posed – Are you committed to and experiencing the personal transformation that God has planned for [the redemptive relationships already in your life, like marriage, family, small group, etc.]?

Um. Committed yes. In theory. Experience is where it’s breaking down. Why? Because I’m not looking at my marriage as a source of hearing about God’s will.

Which is pretty dumb because of what God tells us through Paul in Ephesians 5:

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church – he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, so that he may present the church to himself as glorious – not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. (NETBible, Ephesians 5:22-28)

God ordained my husband to be as much like Jesus to me as is earthly possible!

. . . (let that sink in, ladies. And men.)

So do you think God leads me through my husband? If I’m submitting to that leadership, then yes. What happens if I’m not even looking to him for that leadership? I will look to someone or something else:

  • myself
  • another man
  • success
  • material possessions
  • other women in my life (who are great for spiritual growth but are not the “head”)
  • fulfillment in being “a good mom” or “a good person”

I could go on. Couldn’t you?

So. When I realized that I actually have not been submitting to my husband in this way, I tried to make a change.

  • When he told me I can be negative and critical, I tried to listen and not be defensive.
  • When he and I were looking at our finances to consider a life change, I trusted his conclusions. And I didn’t fight them to make my way “fit”.
  • When he recommended that I take some alone time to have time with God (and not blog), I took him up on it.

And this is only this week. What a breath of fresh, leading air I’m smelling – ladies, it’s SO good!

What if you don’t feel your husband is in a right relationship with God to lead you? In that case, I have to ask a follow up question: Are you in any kind of emotionally or physically abusive relationship? If so, SEEK HELP NOW. Contact your pastor or another family of God who can help you and point you to professional Christian counseling. You need to be safe and in a healthy place before anything else. Next up for everyone, PRAY for your husband to have men leading him in his life, and barring abuse, follow and respect your husband. It may be sloppy while he’s growing, but God is unendingly faithful.

I’m so blessed with a husband who prays for me daily and leads me in humble acknowledgment of the responsibilities God has given him. I’m no dummy, though. I know myself. This will continually be a challenge for me. And so I pray.

Lord, give me a heart that submits first and foremost to you. Bless my husband to listen to you and submit to you daily. I pray for a listening heart, a learning heart. A heart for you.
It’s WEDDED WEDNESDAY! Bloggers can link up any marriage post during the week. If you’d like to spread the love, add the button to your post, but please link back to me somehow. Button code: